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There are three different sections in this week’s parashah, Parashat Ki Tisa. The first is a continuation of last week’s parashah with directions for building the Mishkan, or Tabernacle, and for staffing it.  G-d tells Moses to take a census of the people and collect money from those over the age of twenty.  This money is supposed to go toward the building and maintenance of the Tabernacle.  Moses also reminds the Israelites about the mitzvah of keeping the Sabbath.  We see from this that the law of keeping the Sabbath is extremely important; so important that even the construction of the Tabernacle isn’t an exception.

The second part of the parashah is the well-known story of the golden calf. In this part of the narrative, Moses has been up on Mount Sinai for almost 40 days learning Torah, receiving the Ten Commandments onto two stone tablets that G-d inscribed, and talking to G-d. The Israelites convince themselves that Moses is dead or has deserted them.  The anxious mob starts freaking out about not having their leader, so they go to Aaron, who is Moses’ brother and the High Priest, and make this demand: “Come, make us a G-d who shall go before us, for that man Moses, who brought us from the land of Egypt, we do not know what has happened to him.”  Aaron tells the Israelites to give him all of their gold, and he arranges for it to be melted down and formed into the shape of a calf.  Not long after, Moses comes down from the mountain and sees the people “worshipping” this golden calf statue.  Moses is so angry that he smashes the two stone tablets on which are inscribed the Ten Commandments.  G-d is not a very happy camper either.  In fact, G-d is so mad that G-d wants to destroy all of the Israelite people. Moses  calms G-d down and persuades G-d to give the people a second chance. However, Moses punishes them in his own way – by grinding down the golden calf, mixing the powder with water, and making the people drink it, which makes them really sick and, hopefully, remorseful.

In the third part of the parashah, Moses starts to have doubts about his own faith in G-d – not about G-d’s existence, but maybe more about G-d’s plans for him. Moses feels a need to actually see G-d. He pleads with G-d, “Pray let me see your Glory!” G-d tells Moses that no human can see G-d’s face and live. However, G-d cuts Moses a deal. G-d says that, since Moses has done what G-d has asked and has been faithful to G-d, he will be able to see G-d’s back. So, Moses is instructed to stand in a cleft in a rock where G-d will pass by and only show to Moses G-d’s back. During the time that G-d passes before Moses, G-d declares G-d’s 13 attributes, revealing G-d’s qualities to him – including compassion, faithfulness, kindness, generosity, and forgiveness, amongst others.  Moses is allowed to see G-d’s back, or as some commentators say, see G-d’s shadow, which the Torah says leaves Moses beaming and radiant. After that, Moses inscribes a new set of tablets with the Ten Commandments and heads back down Mount Sinai to present them to the Israelites.

Okay, I’ve got to stop for a moment.

It was so hard for me to summarize a parashah that uses the word G-d 29 times so far, especially since I didn’t feel comfortable using a pronoun to describe … what? A She, a He, an It, or something else?   And how am I supposed to have faith in a god that I’ve never seen or heard? I feel sorry for the Israelite people – they didn’t know any more about G-d than I do now. What if I had identified G-d in a way that angered G-d without knowing any better? Would G-d strike me down or give me a second chance?

Second chances come up a lot in Parashat Ki Tisa. The Ten Commandments are a perfect example of this. Since Moses smashes the first set out of anger, he needs G-d to give him a second chance. What would have happened if G-d didn’t? Who would we be as people without the Ten Commandments? Imagine how different many of the religions of the world would be!                                                                  

Now, this isn’t the first time G-d gives the Jews a second chance. G-d could have wiped out absolutely everything with the great flood, including Noah’s family and the animals, and started all over again. (I’m glad that didn’t happen.) Moses was given a second chance before this, too, when he killed an Egyptian slave driver who was beating a Jewish slave. G-d has also been the recipient of some second chances. The Israelites give G-d a second chance by believing in G-d after G-d kind of abandons them during the whole 400 years they are slaves in Egypt. And then again during this story when G-d keeps Moses away from them for maybe a little too long when they are pretty vulnerable.

Another theme that comes up a lot is “needs” - the needs of the Israelites, the needs of Moses, and the needs of G-d. This has to do with tangible and intangible faith. The Israelites need something concrete to worship when Moses is gone for so long, and especially when they think he might never return. They create the golden calf as a way to connect with G-d. Moses, on the other hand, doesn’t need something to feel and touch like a statue; he needs direct evidence, a sighting or an experience that will be spiritually compelling to reassure himself of his value to G-d and his role in G-d’s mission for the Israelites. And G-d’s needs are a lot like Moses’. G-d needs reassurance from Moses that the Israelites deserve another chance and that G-d should believe in them to carry out G-d’s needs.

A third strong theme in this week’s section of the Torah is faith. Faith is what holds G-d, Moses, and the people together in the end. It is also what tears them apart. For everyone to have been happy, there has to be a “faith triangle.” G-d has to believe in Moses to trust him with G-d’s orders. Moses has to believe in the people in order to work with them and get them to the Promised Land. The people need to believe in G-d to keep on going even when their spiritual leader isn’t present. The triangle also has to operate the other way, with G-d having faith in the people, the people believing in Moses, and Moses believing in G-d. Unfortunately, events don’t play out this way. The people lose faith in both G-d and Moses when neither of them is there to calm their fears. Moses doesn’t have full faith in G-d and is overwhelmed by his own situation. Moses also loses faith in the Israelites when he finds out about the golden calf. G-d probably still believes in Moses, but needs confirmation about how G-d’s chosen ones are doing. G-d also loses faith in the people for the same reasons Moses does, so much so that G-d would have completely destroyed them if Moses had not convinced him otherwise.

The definition of faith, according to the American Heritage Dictionary, is “belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.” If this is the true definition of faith, then why does Moses need to see G-d to believe? Perhaps Moses needs proof to know for sure that it really is G-d. What better proof than seeing with your own eyes that something exists?

So, Moses musters the courage to ask G-d, and G-d agrees. In fact, Moses gets more than he bargained for. G-d not only showed G-d’s back to Moses, but G-d opened up to Moses and told him about G-d’s inner self by declaring the 13 attributes. I feel that Moses was so radiant not only because he got to see G-d physically but also he was able to glimpse into G-d’s heart and soul. It’s like Moses said, “I wonder what this rock star is like,” and instead of just a picture, he gets an exclusive interview or gets to switch places with him for a while to have a unique and intimate insight.

For G-d to present a physical revelation, and to agree not to destroy the Israelites, means that Moses must have rekindled G-d’s faith in the chosen people. Because of Moses’ faith and desire to be with G-d, G-d knew that Moses hadn’t given up, and that G-d shouldn’t give up on the Israelites either. Moses was able to convince G-d that the Israelites made a big mistake due to their ignorance, that they didn’t really know what they were doing and what it meant, and not because they’d abandoned their faith in G-d.

In Egypt, the Jews witnessed the Egyptians worshipping in their own ways. They saw many idols, pictures, and offerings to the multiple Egyptian gods. This rubbed off on them, and as the scholar, Maimonides, observed and I agree, the Jews needed to be weaned off of an acceptance of this kind of worship. To suddenly change the type of rituals that the Jews had been acclimated to was a shock to them. As I mentioned before, the Israelites were very vulnerable – and even Maimonides likened them to children in this point in their exodus, actually, because they had just gotten out of slavery. In their lives as slaves, they were told what to do every moment of their lives and now all of a sudden, their leader disappears to the top of a mountain for almost a month! Is it any wonder that they started feeling insecure and having doubts? They have to take care of themselves and live responsibly, but they don’t know how. Maturity doesn’t just happen overnight.

My Bat Mitzvah symbolizes my becoming an adult and assuming all of my own responsibilities. But I’m not at all ready to give up being a kid just yet! I still need my parents to boss me around, tell me what to do, and keep me safe from putting myself in harms way with unintentionally stupid behavior. I don’t want to end up like the Israelites, who were like confused children and, because of some bad judgment, end up drinking their own jewelry!

Moses is mature, unlike the other Jews he’s leading. Perhaps this is because he was not a slave. He knew what it meant to be responsible and to take care of himself. But Moses also gets a lot of my sympathy. This poor guy had all of these people’s lives in his hands, and he hasn’t even seen the entity that has put him in this position. How is he supposed to keep his faith alive? Moses is human, just like you and me, and yet he has an extraordinary job to complete. Moses has the potential to complete this job, which really is a burden and seems impossible for him to do. So G-d’s reveals himself, herself, G-d’s self, whoever, to Moses and then both know that Moses can accomplish what G-d expects from him.

I want to thank everyone who is here to encourage and support me. Preparing for this Bat Mitzvah was a big project for me - learning to read Torah and trope and writing this drash. I can’t even imagine having the kind of responsibility that Moses’ had. I’d be worried sick. Even Moses’ father-in-law thought that Moses was being worked too hard and being overburdened and he was a leader himself! Anyone who can go through this much, like Moses, and keep his or her faith alive, even if it wavered sometimes, earns my respect completely.

In a few minutes, my parents will offer a blessing to me in thanks for making me responsible for myself and no longer their responsibility if I do wrong. I hope this is just symbolic of the beginning of the journey I’m on to learn to be responsible for my own actions, because I still get lost really easily.

I would like to thank my mom and dad who, through all our arguments and my pout-y faces, still love and support me and kept me going throughout this whole process. I am lucky to have my three grandparents living near me who share their wisdom with me. I am so honored and grateful that my Opa, my grandfather, who shares the same Bar Mitzvah parashah and special haftorah with me, read with me on the bima today. I will never forget that generous and loving experience. I would also like to thank Connie Heymann, my birthday twin, next-door neighbor, and awesome tutor and friend, whom I couldn’t have done this without. And of course, I couldn’t have accomplished this first step without the Rabbi and the Cantor, who have been such a big part of preparing me for my “adult” spiritual responsibilities.

Thank you and Shabbat Shalom.